6.30.2010

ss. Does all of you love me?
hs. Every inch.
ss. Even the inches that aren't always there?
hs. With them, it's more of a physical love, but from the rest of me
it's the emotional kind.

6.29.2010

hs. I wish I had a penis that was 23 inches around.
ss. What would you have sex with? Whales?
hs. Small car tires.
hs. Hey, do you think you're me, that you can just give somebody the
reacharound any time you want? ... Hey, something is gonna happen if
you keep doing that, and it's not lactating.

6.28.2010

Movie Quote Monday!

ss1. They look like beatniks, should I unpack my bongos?
ss2. I intend to unpack mine.

6.26.2010

ss. Ok, Smooch McGooch.
hs. Did you just ask me to smooch your gooch? I'm not into that.
hs. *he burps* Do you wanna make out?
ss. I can smell your burp.
hs. I chose to share that with you.
ss. Go do what you need to do so we can go to sleep.
hs. I wont even make any jokes about needing you to be there for that.

6.24.2010

ss. Are you going to make us sandwiches? I'll let you touch my booty.
hs. You do that anyway.
ss. Nooo. The booty is only for sandwich-makers.
hs. You've been smooch attacked. Ahh! ...Ok, I'll let you be autonomous now.
ss. When you woke up this morning, did you want an awkwardly long hug?
hs. When you woke up this morning, dis you want an awkwardly long hug and to get your leg humped?

6.23.2010

while in the shower having sex, there is a knock at the door.
ss1. Hey, sorry to bother you, have you seen my brother?
ss2. ...um...
hs. Yea, I'm here. What's up?
hs. I think we have better sex if I spend an hour making you feel special beforehand, like it's more personal. Do you think men pick up prostitutes and then spend an hour and a half trying to convince them to have sex? No. Well, maybe the smart prostitutes because they'd make four times as much money.

6.22.2010

ss. Stop that, no funny business.
hs. So I should stop tickling you and start trying for sexy business?
hs. What's your name?
ss. [her].
hs. I had sex with a [her] once. Not tonight though, tonight I'm going to have sex with a cougar.
ss. Is it ok? I haven't showered since last night.
hs. If I'm quiet when I'm eating then I'm happy.

6.21.2010

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. Take me to Pleasure Town.
hs. Oh, we're going there.
ss. after hearing his obviously fake orgasmic moan What the fuck was that? Did you come?
hs. Uh... yeah.
ss. No you didn't. You faked it.

Movie Quote Monday!

hs. I like you. I like you a lot. But things are just moving a little too fast. I'm just not ready to say, "I love you".
ss. What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"?
hs. Oh, come on. Back there. You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words.
ss. You colossal moron! "Suck... my... cock".

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. Do you have protection?
hs. I don't like guns.

6.20.2010

hs. God, you look great in this push-up bra.
ss. This isn't a push-up bra.
hs. I mean... your breasts look huge.  

ss. I have a tummyache. I've been waking up with them a lot lately.
hs. Are you trying to tell me that you want a baby? That your tummy has been especially empty lately?
hs. I'm going to buy a more permanent ring.
ss. You're going to propose?
hs. I meant a permanent vibrating ring.

6.17.2010

ss. My tongue hurts, I think I have a canker sore.
hs. I guess I won't be asking you for any favors.

6.16.2010

eating chocolate candies
ss. Well, I guess now we can decide which is better, sex or chocolate.
ss. Come here... I am a woman now!

6.15.2010

exchange via text message at a table of five.
hs. You look good, do you have a boyfriend?
ss. No.
hs. Meet me in the bathroom.
He goes to the bathroom, and returns five minutes later. She and her friends leave the restaurant.
ss. I'm watching a show with Chris Noth, you know the guy from the original Law & Order and Sex and the City?
hs. Oh, Mr. Big? ...Please don't tell anybody I knew that.
ss. I'm kind of a one trick pony, stuff that works on other girls
probably wont work on me.

6.14.2010

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. I got red, I got green, I got yellow... I'm out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left... the condom of champions... the one and only... nothin' is gettin' through this sucker.

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. Fuck you.
hs. Not even if you let me video tape it.

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. Your cock is so smooth!
hs. Yours would be too... if you were a man.

Movie Quote Monday!

hs. What about birth control?
ss. Menopause.

6.13.2010

ss. I think we would want to be intimate a lot more if we didn't fart so much in front of each other.

6.11.2010

ss. I was never uncomfortable with us both hooking up with the same
guy until now. It was ok that he touched both of our vaginas, but not
that he tried to finger both of our butts without our consent.
ss. I need to pick up my bra, refresh my memory about where you live?
hs. [address], Chicago, Illinois, Earth.
ss1. I don't remember his name, but he was Irish.
ss2. We're going to call him Seamus O'Flannigan.

6.10.2010

ss. I heard you had quite a trip.
hs. Yeah, guess who's a squirter?
ss. Are you staying awake ok? I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel.
hs. Could you just hold my penis a little to wake me up?
hs. Well, if you want I could try going down on you.
ss. Oh my god no, I'd rather die.

6.09.2010

don't forget you can follow us on twitter and like us on facebook!
hs. Do you want to have sex?
ss. No.
hs. Well do you at least want to titty-fuck?
ss. I guess he needs to add "scabies check" to the list of foreplay activities.
hs. I just told him this is why you don't have sex with gingers.
ss. What are you doing?
hs. I'm a rhinoceros!
ss. It's too bad we're not naked friends, because then we could shower together right now.
hs. I'm ready to be naked friends.

6.08.2010

hs. I'm gonna tickle you 'til you fart.
ss. Is that really where you see this night going?
hs. So can I kiss you?
she blows raspberry
hs. I don't think that's as sexy as you think it is.
ss1. If you're mad, he's going to be upset too.
ss2. No, I'm going to be drunk and humping him.

6.07.2010

Movie Quote Monday!

ss1. You're a virgin?  
ss2. You say that like it's a bad thing.
ss3. Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".

Movie Quote Monday!

hs. Do you want to do it doggie style?
ss. You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
hs. It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Movie Quote Monday!

ss. It's turkey time.
hs. Huh?
ss. Gobble, gobble.

Movie Quote Monday!

hs. (looking at his backseat) There's blood. Do you still have your period?
ss. No, I would've warned you.  
hs. What just happened here?
ss. ...Let's just get dressed.
hs. Are you telling me I popped your cherry?

6.06.2010

hs. Fuck yea, fuck yea, fuck yea. Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!
hs. This is embarrassing for you, I think I found some toilet paper stuck in your butt.
hs. Am I inside you?

6.04.2010

ss. Why can't you just stay, and live under my bed like a gerbil?
hs. Ooooh, sex hamster.

6.03.2010

he starts to spoon her
hs. I want to go down on you right now.
ss. You are such a bitch.

he spanks her
hs. Call yourself a skank!
ss. WHAT!? No!

6.02.2010

ss. What smells like burning?
hs. That's just the fire in my loins.
ss. Gross. That doesn't smell good...
ss. Only dolphins and humans have sex recreationally.
later, sleeping...
hs. Can't we just be dolphins?
hs. Oh no, my herniated disk!

6.01.2010

hs. I'm out.
ss. Are you leaving or are you gay?
hs. I feel like I'm crushing you.
ss. No no, you are like an electric blanket I can lick.
ss. You must have been sweating today, your sodium content is high.