ss. I am SO thirsty

hs. I have something you can drink....

hs. Haha, I was just thinking of that story about your step-mom and the guy with the horse penis.
ss. Can we discuss this when you're not inside of me?

Had sex in the dark. After, he goes to the bathroom and turns on the light....
hs. Babe, I think I just put it in your butt.

After kissing for about 30 seconds, he puts her hand over his flaccid penis...
hs. You want to?
ss. No. I'm going to leave.

ss. Oh, Chris.
hs. Who the hell is Chris?!

hs. Is there a grocery store or something around here?
ss. It's closed, what do you want?
hs. It's 2am in the castro, some place is open and sells condoms.
Ten minutes later
hs. Look babe! With spermicide! 

hs. Do you girls prefer trimmed or shaved?
ss. Isn't this a question you should be asking your wife?

ss. Hm... so that's what flaccid looks like.

hs. If your laptop's your pooter, and your butt is your tooter, then
what's that?
ss. My vagooter?

ss. Can I have some ramen?
hs1. Sure, as long as I can get some.
ss. Never mind, how desperate do you think I am?
hs2. I think there's been a misunderstanding, he wants some ramen, not
some sex.

hs. I love you, you're so beautiful.
ss. Did you just fart?
hs. We can stop if you want.

ss. Ok, nice meeting you. see you around.
hs. You too. Eat your vegetables, and don't get pregnant.

ss. I'm sorry I still haven't shaved, you don't have to do that.
hs. No, it's ok. Although, last time I did get hair wrapped around my tongue.

ss1. Goddamn it. This sucks!  I'm really horny but I'm on my period.
ss2. And?
ss1. No, I just can't.  It's against my religion. ... Then again so is sleeping with a girl and having sex before marriage.

hs. When I got dressed this morning, I just really wanted to feel attractive.
ss. Wait, are those my underwear?

ss. (on phone) I can't believe you said that! Come find me or you aren't coming home with me tonight.
hs. I see someone's still a bitch...

ss. My libido just isn't very high.
hs. I've been doing some reading, and I think that if I drank your menstrual blood, it would improve.

ss. I can get on top and ride you this time
hs1. No, that's ok, I like being on top.
hs2. (from the next tent over) Come on, just let her ride you man.

ss1. I'm still a virgin and not about to lose it to HIM and DEFINITELY not in an Oldsmobile.

ss2. So what DID happen? 

ss1. But I mean ... basically if I didn't have pants on we would have had sex. you know? I freakin had dry sex with him! Fully clothed! Except for his pants.

hs. You don't remember last night?
ss. No, I do, I just don't remember talking about the window.
hs. I was going to say, that would have been a bad time to black out.

ss. So what are you gonna do for your birthday?
hs. You.
ss. If you remember?
hs. If those are the terms, I will remember.

hs. Come over or call me when you are done and explain why I woke up on your hallway floor???????

ss1. Why do you look so sad?
ss2. I just got dickslapped!

hs. No! No! Put your shirt back on!
ss. You touch my vagina, you can see my tits.

hs1. Here let me rub this warm massage oil on your back.
hs2. OW! Holy shit, I think you just burned my back!!!
hs1. No it's supposed to be hot, it's supposed to feel good and relaxing. ... Wait, is that a blister? I'm sorry.

ss. Why did you just take your shirt off?
hs. ...I thought you gave me the take my shirt off look.

hs. It looks like your vagina has a beard.

ss. At lunch today we were talking about scars, and I almost said I had recently seen a big purple scar on somebody. But then I remembered that I was thinking of your circumcision scar.

hs. You're not interested in this right now, are you?
ss. No, I'm interested in how much my nose hurts.
hs. So you want to blow your nose, not your load?

hs. What is that (pointing to a penis drawing on her stomach)?
ss. A rocket ship

hs. If you ladies both came home with me, you could walk home together.
ss. We live upstairs.

hs. YE-YEAHH. YE-YEAHH.
ss. OKAAAAY.
hs. What?
ss. Oh, I thought we were quoting Lil' Jon.

ss. Supposedly, an orgasm can help bad cramps go away.
hs. Well if you want some privacy, I can go masturbate in the bathroom.

hs. Your skin is so soft.

ss. Pathetically cliche.

hs. I like your dress, it's really soft.
ss. Thanks, it's jersey. They make sheets out of it.

ss. You're not Irish, you're faking it.
hs. Why would I fake being Irish?
ss. To make people like you.

hs. So do you want to go find somewhere more private?
ss. No, I think I'm going to go home actually.
hs. Ok, but I just want you to know, you could be missing out on the best sex of your life.

hs. Do you want to go get some breakfast?
ss. Not yet, there are little [him]'s all over my back.

ss. If I cared about what people thought I would have left this school a long time ago.

hs. Are we going to have sex?
ss. I don't want your babies or your STDs.

ss. Are you trying to give me a leg hickey? That's inappropriate.
hs. Actually, I was pretending to be a barnacle, but leg hickey sounds good, let's go with that.